More things that make you say hmm...

Today I've got a couple of things that make me go hmm... First of all, I almost made a fool out of myself during my night class tonight. It's a three-hour class, so there was a ten minute break. During this break, I thought I'd check some email, read some news, and do a little surfing. Here's what I found. It's a story of terror. Mostly because I've eaten at the very restaurant where the incident happened, but also because I'm terrified that some people are either so lucky or so stupid. If you didn't click on the link, a man was eating at a Carl's Junior restaurant and he decided he needed to relieve himself. Our man headed to the restroom where, while he was sitting on the toilet, his concealed handgun went off, shooting a bullet directly at the toilet bowl. The bullet shattered the bowl, and a piece of fiberglass flew off of the toilet and directly at his elbow where it cut the man. First of all, how stupid does a man have to be to keep a gun in his pocket without the safety on? And how is it that the man was so lucky that the gun wasn't pointing at him (possibly leaving him unable to have any more children ever), but he walked away with a cut and a possible STD in his elbow (after all, who knows what's on that toilet)?

In other, more disturbing news, three children were taken out of their home in New Jersey – no surprise, I know, it is Jersey. However, the young boy was named Adolf Hitler and his sisters were named other Nazi-related names. The child protective services in New Jersey decided that naming a child Adolf Hitler could be considered child abuse and therefore removed he and his sisters from the home. How seriously stupid do you have to be to name your child after the führer himself? That kid really has no future ahead of him if he keeps that name! Okay that is all...have a lovely evening!

Things that make you go "Hmm...."

So...I've been putting off writing this post for quite some time now. I can't remember where I got the title for it, but here are some of the things that make me go, "Hmm..." (kind of like the baby in the picture is doing). There are so many people, places, and Ideas out there that make me go "Hmm..." so I hope you can get a little fun out of them. Here's my first in my Hmm Series.

I headed over to Delta.com the other day to check on my flight to San Diego in a couple of weeks, and I found out they had changed the flight just a little bit. The times were all the same, so that wasn't a big problem...Delta just decided to change the flight to one of the CRJ-100 Jets that Skywest flies for them as Delta Connection. Now, if any of you have ever flown in one of these "commuter jets," you'll know that they're a little smaller than your typical 

school's "short bus" and have significantly less comfort. A flashback immediately appeared in my mind. About a year ago, 

I flew to San Jose on one of the little jets, and I was stuck to a man that was...a little larger...aw heck. He was huge. I, of course, requested the window seat because I like to look out the window as I fly, but I had no idea this man would be sitting next to me and impede on...no...pop my personal bubble for the duration of the flight. But it gets worse. We flew out in one of the biggest snow storms of the year, which meant our plane had to be de-iced. We waited on the tarmac for over an hour in line for the de-icing pad. Meanwhile, my seat companion sweated profusely (they turned the air off to conserve fuel), kept adjusting his position in his seat (giving me an inevitable elbow), and constantly cough (not politely into the aisle...directly into my face). I am an airplane lover, but NEVER was I happier to get off of a plane than on that day. 

Well...when I discovered this new plane assignment, it got me thinking. Do you know those little cage-looking things the airlines have placed at the check-in counter so you know your carry-ons are the right size? I've decided I'm going to create some kind of airplane seat-sized judging device. If the gate-agent sees that a passenger is "of size" and won't fit into the model, he or she will simply have to say, "Your side fat rolls exceed the maximum carry-on size, so you can either buy the empty seat next to you, or pay to be upgraded to first class where they will help make your troubles go away with unlimited alcoholic beverages and exorbitant foods." Though the passenger may be a little put-out, the airline will make a bigger profit from fewer passengers, those of us who have the sense to have our weight at least semi-under control will be much more comfortable, and maybe they'll just get the hint and lose a few pounds before the next flight. What do you think?

World's Easiest Job

Okay...it's official. I've decided on the career for me. There isn't a job in the world that could possibly be easier or pay as much money for little work as one of the silent actors in historical documentaries. Seriously! I was watching a documentary on the History Channel today, and I saw that the most these actors had to do for a day's work was show up, get in makeup and costumes and then stand in front of a camera, moving about in slow motion until the director says cut. In fact, the people portraying these historical figures rarely even have to look good. Have you ever seen pictures of the old Tsars of Russia and their families? Many look hideously ugly, most have not even seen a bathtub in their lives, and all of them can be played by those of us who look...a little less like Brad Pitt in Ocean's 11 and more like Mr. Pitt from Seinfeld. Take this lady for instance: Tsarevna Sophia Alekseyevna, half sister and regent of Peter the Great. She looks quite similar to one of those dogs that everyone says is cute so they don't offend the owner, but really looks like a giant rat with a nose bigger than the rest of its entire body. What do you think about these? I actually think the dog has a much better-looking face. I can think of a few people that would be great at playing Sophia.

WOW! Look at those eyebrows! 

What is the most dangerous workplace hazard to these silent actors and models? Well, it's either contracting carpal tunnel from lifting up the same pen and signing a character's name for hours at a time, or it's suffering some kind of acute respiratory disease from inhaling too much powder from the white wigs. I'm definitely willing to take these chances for a day's pay that's definitely better than working the same amount of time at McDonald's. And there's very little risk of splashing hot oil on yourself. Plus, you'd receive the satisfaction of watching your documentary on television and bragging to all of your friends, "See that guy playing George Washington? That's me! You may not be able to tell because of the wig, the clothes, or the makeup, but it's definitely me!"

Today's documentary also showed about ten minutes of a man playing Tsar Nicholas II of Russia toying with the idea of signing his throne over to his son, his brother, and eventually revolutionaries. I'm serious folks; for ten minutes, I saw video of a man sitting at a table with an oil lamp, picking up a pen, bringing himself to sign the documents, and then chickening out at the last minute and placing the pen back on the table. He did this about twenty thousand times while the narrator said all of the important things. Want to know the best part? All that was shown was his forearms and his hands! This actor/model could have been sitting on the set all day, filming variations of his mock-signing, dressed in gym shorts and a t-shirt with pretend Tsar shirt sleeves. Oh, and I could have done a much better job than our pal dressed in gym clothes, because my fingernails are actually clean. He looked as though he had not washed his hands in the last week at least.

Plus, think of the job security! There are always people creating documentaries of the past that have absolutely no historical video (after all...the video camera is a very recent invention). They have to keep the high school students watching entertained, so they don't use their pencils to gouge out their eyes after seeing nothing but those ugly historians with teeth protruding out of their faces that can only come from one of those British dentists that don't actually know how to take care of teeth. Overall, I see no downside to choosing this as a career. I think I'll go up to school tomorrow and withdraw because I don't need to learn how to pretend to write with a pen...I did that during our multiplication timed-tests in third grade!

Snow Snow Snow SNOW!!!!

Well, it must officially be Christmas Time, because I spent the dreaded time out in that white flaky stuff blowing the snow off the driveway today. I have to say, however, that despite coming in the house soaking wet and smelling like the inside of a gas tank, I somewhat enjoyed my time outside pushing the snow around. There's nothing like being outside with white all around, listening to nothing but the sound of the shovel against the driveway, and just appreciating the beauty that is winter (don't quote me on that in a month or so when I'm complaining about the cold, dark season though). 

The first part of winter is one of my favorite times of the year. I think that's mostly because the snow is accompanied by Christmas carols, brightly colored lights, and stories of people helping one another. Last Monday, I had the opportunity to perform in and help out a little with a benefit concert for the Christmas Box House (for those of you that don't know, the Christmas Box House is a sort of safe haven for abused and abandoned children). It really touched me to see the generosity of people! All of the performers paid a fee to help pay for the facility, so most of the ticket sales went to CBH. We sold $400 in tickets at the door (in addition to all of the kids' pre-sold tickets), and then we stood outside the doors after the concert with tins, where we collected another $1000!!! In fact, one man plopped two folded fifties into my tin!

My Singles' Ward has a tradition of adopting a family or two for a Sub-For-Santa. This year, despite all of the economic hardships and everything, my ward (that is made mostly of students) raised almost $5,000 for two families! I haven't had the chance to participate in the shopping and wrapping, but I'm SO excited to help deliver the presents to these families that are in need of a Christmas. I'm so happy to see all of this generosity all around me; it's been such a great example. THIS is what Christmas is all about!

Now, what would your mother say, or, when you think no one is watching...

Tonight, I was riding a Trax train in Downtown Salt Lake City, staring out the window and contemplating the meaning of life and various other items needless to be mentioned, I saw the reflection in the glass of the twenty-something man sitting just down from me. Oh, but this man wasn't simply sitting. As I saw him, he had no idea I was watching, so he buried his face in a bent arm and committed the most horrific faux pas known to man; he shoved his unoccupied pointer finger up his nostril to relieve his schnoz of some built up mucus. In layman's terms, he picked his nose. But wait; he didn't stop there. Instead of removing his finger from his nose and wiping the residue on a gently used tissue or handkerchief, the man turned his hand palm-side-up, made a fist with all his fingers but the offending forefinger and proceeded to examine his findings. Apparently, there was something extremely fascinating with this projectile of the proboscis, because he stared at it. He stared at the booger for what seemed to be at least twenty-seven seconds or so. After he seemingly found no more interest in the mucus flicked his fingers, sending the offending object flying through the car like a rocket until it made a crash landing on the window across from him. Since I wasn't about to get up with a tissue and clean it off, it hung there, dangling in all its glory, for the duration of our trip. We both exited the train at the same stop, so I made sure that I stayed as far away from him as humanly possible so that A) I wouldn't become infected by whatever bacteria were now thriving on the man's hand and B) I wouldn't look the man in the face and let out the great guffaw that I had been holding in. Normally, I wouldn't even think twice about someone picking his or her nose in public. In fact, it's quite a natural occurrence. However, the lingering desire this man had to examine the particulate matter in great detail disgusted me to the core. Isn't it amazing what we'll do when we think people aren't looking?

I proceeded from the Trax train to the FrontRunner to return to Ogden, hoping to have a nice relaxing ride full of quite solitude in which I could read my book. Of course, something entirely different was in store for me. It just so happened that the car with the most room, which I chose for obvious reasons, also contained an annoying throng of teenagers who shattered all social norms by yelling at the top of their lungs and being, as teenagers usually are, exceptionally annoying. These young whippersnappers spent the entire trip fighting over who ate the last M&M and participating in barbaric teenage rituals such as flirting neanderthalically with girls who couldn't be less interested and asking for their phone numbers. I had the worst time concentrating on my book, and I had to read most pages at least twice. It was a battle of wills. My will was to be the socially acceptable person who sits and endures the bedlam erupting in the train, and theirs was to be as obtusely disturbing to those around them as humanly possible. In the end, my will won, because they got off in Roy; I had one entire leg of the trip to travel quietly: what great victory.

But seriously...did these kids think that they were the only people on the train, or do they just consider themselves to be the most important life forms in the universe? One man was there, chaperoning them all, and he did absolutely nothing to thwart their narcissistic efforts. I want to know if their mothers know they act as immature as they did this evening. What would your mother say if she knew you acted like that? I urge you all to eliminate this social faux pas from your life. Conform! Be the one that talks to no one on the train, making sure not to sit too close to another human being. Keep to yourselves so I can read my book, sleep, or whatever else I choose to do in the 54 minutes we share together while learning nothing more about you, as a polite member of society should do!

Santa: CTU

Okay...so I may be a little obsessed with 24, but I found this great video on Hulu today! Check it out!!!

Good Tidings of Great Joy!

Well, it's December 1st and therefore the official beginning of Christmas. Christmas is such a great time of the year...in fact, it's my favorite! I love the sights and sounds, the feelings, and the meaning. Our Savior, Jesus Christ, was born. Heavenly angels bore witness that He would truly be the one to save us; to redeem us from the world. This little baby that was born over 2000 years ago in the most humble of conditions means that we can live with our Father in Heaven again. In Luke 2:10, the Angel said to the shepherds, "Behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people." The Doctrine & Covenants gives us a little more insight into that historic phrase. In Section 76 verses 40-42, we read:

"And this is the gospel, the glad tidings, which the voice of the heavens bore record unto us—That he came into the world, even Jesus, to be crucified for the world and to bear the sins of the world, and to sanctify the world, and to cleanse it from all unrighteousness; That through him all might be saved..."

Isn't that amazing? The little baby that was born grew up to be the Savior of all the world. He felt every pain, every disappointment, every sin that each and every one of us has felt, feels now, and will feel in the future. He has made it possible for us to have eternal life with our loved ones in the presence of God. Concerning those that will become exalted, verse 69 of Section 76 says, "These are they who are just men made perfect through Jesus the mediator of the new covenant, who wrought out this perfect atonement through the shedding of his own blood." We don't have to do it alone; we can be made perfect through Jesus Christ, who has borne our sins through that perfect atonement. These inspired words from Prophets of God give me such great comfort, and especially in this Christmas season, I know that the Atonement of Jesus Christ is real. He suffered that we might not suffer. He died that we may have eternal life. I urge you all to remember this throughout the Christmas season. Act a little more Christlike toward your fellow men. Be generous. Help those that are less fortunate than you...there are a lot of them out there. Most of all, have a Merry Christmas!