The Big House

Well...that's it. If you don't see me for a while, it's because I'm probably going to the clinker. Yup. Apparently I broke Federal Law. How, you ask? Well, I was using a package of Kirkland Signature Wipes, and I didn't follow the directions with exactness. The instructions tell the user to wipe dirt away with a cloth then use a clean wipe to wet the surface and keep it wet for five minutes to disinfect, using more wipes if necessary. I'm afraid that I only kept my counter wet for a total of four minutes and forty-five seconds. How could this possibly be against federal law? Well after my counter dried completely I continued to read the packaging, and it stated: "It is a violation of federal law to use this product in a manner inconsistent with its labeling." So it looks like I've done myself in. Since it's printed so plainly on the label, my guess is that a federal agent watched me commit the crime and that's them pulling up in my driveway right this second. I can only turn off the lights and hide for a short time; I know he'll come in to arrest me anyway. If he knew I misused the wipes, he'll definitely know that I'm in here typing away on my blog! It looks as if this will be the end to my days as a free man. I'll have to be locked up with other people who may have accidentally not repeated after washing and rinsing with their shampoo, or people who used a Lysol Wipe to clean a wood surface, even though the label said not to. 


Quick! I hear him coming now! Does anyone know a good I-didn't-read-my-cleaning-product-label-all-the-way attorney?